Every time I open a new blog post, I should be excited.
After all in that small moment of starting over, I have one big, boundless blank slate of whatever I want it to be staring back at me. The chance to write the story that I want to write. To create the characters that I believe in. If I’ll just have the courage to break away from the plots that have already been taken. The ones that have already been read.
But somewhere between thinking and typing, a thousand other voices rush in from the back corner of my brain. They shout. And shove. And talk over one another. Telling me what I ought to do. Reminding me of the formulas that have worked before. Urging me to ask well, what would this person do… and then do only that. And whatever you do, do not veer off the beaten path. They try to convince me that my story is not good enough. That who I really am is not good enough. That my voice, just as it is, doesn’t deserve to be heard. And guess what….they lie.
Earlier this week I got to talk to a photographer who felt like if she was going to be successful, she had to find a way to be….more. And ohh, don’t we all get the feeling of more? That we have to be more than what we are. Put on more of a front to the outside world with what we think they want to see. Bend and fold ourselves in to a million tiny pieces just to be more like somebody else.
When we were first getting started, I thought if we were going to be like all the people we looked up to we had to dress just like them, charge just like them, talk just like them, shoot just like them, brand and blog just like them. To say all the same things they do. Like all the same things. Deliver the same tag lines. That we had to be those same super outgoing personalities. And say words like rad.
Well guess what. I’m not sure if I’ve ever in the course of my normal day to day had cause to say the word “rad”. So why would I put that out there on the web like I do? Except that I felt like I had to be more.
But the thing is, that kind of “more” rarely adds up to anything that matters. And even if by some chance it could get us to where we’re trying to go, is it worth if we lose us in the process? If we lose the story that only we can tell. Every morning we all wake up faced with our own blank slates.
It’s up to us how we choose to fill them. And I think that’s something to get very excited about.
**This post does not include a picture. It is already enough just as it is.