September 13, 2011

A Non-Witty Post

This was supposed to be a post filled with witty banter.

I had it right there on my iCal, so you know it must be true. Tuesday, September 13th: blog something witty. Then make dentist appointment.

Ok, so it didn’t actually say that. But it may as well have, because the plan had already been made. It was all laid out.

And I knew exactly what I was going to write about too. It was going to be this whole post about how when we went apple picking together, Justin had asked that the mayo for his sandwich go on the top slice of bread. The top mind you, not the bottom. Because that’s where the oil and vinegar should go. Clearly. And how this two-prong sneak attack on the ham and swiss from both sides would be a military strategy even Churchill himself would approve of. See….witty.

But here’s the thing….it’s also fluff.

Because the truth is, this week has been a really hard one. Earlier this week we had a death in the family, and then just yesterday we found out my best friend had suffered a really hard loss too. It’s the thick of busy season and life has been blowing by way too fast. Just when I’m being reminded of how short and precious it really is.

And I want to be honest about that. Honest with you about the hard stuff. About the not so pretty stuff. Because the truth is, it’s not all bubble gum and pink balloons no matter what it might look like from the outside. Life is messy and it’s complicated. And at times it’s really, really hard. And sometimes it just plain hurts. But that’s also part of what makes it so beautiful. Because there are no guarantees. Life offers no promises. And we just have to hold on to it with both hands as tightly as we can while it’s here for the holding.

This morning I got an email from one of my favorite couples ever telling me that he has been battling an illness for the past year. And it’s been really, really hard for them. And at times, it’s just plain hurt. Because they don’t have any guarantees. And then she thanked us. Thanked us for giving an honest portrayal of life and love, and for reminding her of the beauty of life during one of these less than beautiful times.

And here I was just going to write something witty.

So I think if it’s ok, for today I’ll just go ahead and deviate from the plan. Throw it out altogether. There’ll be time for wittiness down the road. But for today, I just want to make this post about two people taking time out of the craziness of life to hold on to one another as tightly as they can. To soak in every moment and not let a second of everything that’s so beautiful about this life together pass them by. To take mental snapshots of the thousand different little quirky things that make up the exact combination of who they are. Right now. In this moment. Together.

And to the couple who emailed this morning, it is you who reminded us of that.

So trust me when I say, it us who should be doing all the thanking.

  1. Emilia Jane

    I am so sorry for your loss, I love you guys! And your honesty :-)

  2. katie s

    i just love you guys

  3. Shefali Lindsey

    This made me tear up! Seriously. AMEN and could not agree more with your beautiful words! And, it is the hard times that make the good times look like cherry limeades and cupcakes. :) For the hard times is why I am grateful for the good times. Because in between the last two years of job losses, being diagnosed a Celiac, losing people and not knowing if rent could be made, I learned that the only thing in life that matters is faith and love. And holding hands with your better half! Thank you for the reminder today!!! xoxo.

  4. Shefali Lindsey

    P.S. I will be praying for your loved ones and the two of you!!!

  5. ashley barnett

    Love you guys. Will be keeping you close in my heart as you guys deal with the tough stuff. Thanks for the reminder to take time to breathe and appreciate everything around us :)

  6. Jessica

    I love you guys! You put it out there so honestly and beautifully. Thank you for being who you are. Many thoughts for you and your family!

  7. Kristen Barrante

    Let us all be grateful for what we have…each other. Thank you for the reminder and I am sorry for your loss.

  8. rich

    all i can say is thank you for writing this post.

  9. Amy

    Thank you… It’s nice to be reminded to be grateful for those who we have, outside of the context of the tough times. My thoughts are with you!

  10. Renee

    So sorry for your loss! xo

  11. Marissa Rodriguez

    Ahhhhhh. I love you guys so much!

  12. Nichole


  13. Lydia

    Sometimes life is just plain hard. It makes me long for the day when Jesus will come back and take us home with Him! I pray He comforts you and Justin and strengths your couple as you all go through these difficult times.

  14. lisa cour

    So sorry for your lost, and its almost just as bad to stand by and watch your good friend go through something.

    Today is a GIFT, that is all.

  15. Kristin Nicole

    Sorry to hear about your hard times, but glad to see you recognize the beauty of life through it all.

  16. Christa Hann

    I too was faced with a death this week….Sunday in fact. Your post hits so close to home today…..I’m glad you wrote your non witty post. Sorry for your loss.

  17. Jennifer Bacchiocchi

    Mary, so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you and Justin have each other to lean on. Hope your day is full of small blessings. xoxo

  18. Jil


  19. GrandmaIna

    This may not be "witty", but it’s said truly and from the heart. This says it all!!

  20. Stephanie Stewart

    Thank you for this post, Mary. I.Totally.Get.It. Each day, heck each minute, is such a precious gift. It’s hard to remember that in the midst of our busy lives. Sending you lots of hugs from Indiana.

  21. Regina Marie

    My heart goes out to you. I know I’m just another not-quite-real internet person you don’t know, but if there is anything I can do, even just listen while you vent, or babble at you so you don’t have to think for a minute… I’m here.

  22. Nancy

    I hope you are able to take some time to be with your loved ones. Hugs to you and Justin. xo

  23. Katelyn James

    praying for you guys. This season is tough for us too… Michael went to school, he works full time and I’m barely keeping up with business, much less my grocery list! Thanks for the reminder to embrace LIFE. Life is so much greater and bigger than the daily to-do lists. So sorry for your loss.

  24. Gwendolyn Tundermann

    Whenever I’m going through a difficult time I think of Vanilla Sky and Jason Lee saying "Without the bitter, baby, the sweet just ain’t as sweet." In a way, I’m glad for all the heartaches because it just means that I loved. Cherish every day. Love harder!

  25. Lesley

    Thinking and praying for you, your friends, and your family. Remember you wrote awhile back, this too shall pass. much love being sent your way.

  26. Tira J

    Life is definitely too short, and it gets more precious every single day. Praying for all of your friends and family during this time. And for you two. Love you! xoxo

  27. LeolaK

    I’m sorry for your loss, as well as your friend’s family’s loss…and the fighting of illness one of your couples is going through. I completely relate to this entire post, as it seems to describe most of my life lately…well for the last 10 or so years if not more, but the last few years have gotten increasingly tougher. You do what you have to do and must for family. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Justin, and your family. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable part of your life.

  28. Caitlin

    I hate that this was posted two days ago and I’m only reading it now. I feel like there’s two whole days I could have been sending love towards New Haven that I wasn’t. I am so sorry for your loss, for your best friend’s loss, for the couple who is suffering. Beautiful post.

  29. Julia R

    Sending boatloads of love and hugs as well as healing thoughts your way.

  30. Nancy Mitchell

    Sending you both some Hugs and prayers. Life is complicated and yes we need to sometimes just sit and breathe! May you have a beautifully blessed weekend. LOVE YOU GUYS!

  31. LInda Kuo

    Im with Caitlin. I just saw you both at the lighting workshop and I skipped seeing this post. I am also about to encounter what you have experienced and it’s been a long hard and transformative year. But the universe never gives you lessons that you can’t expand from and in some ways the most beautiful revelations have come about. I just had a birthday the day after your workshop and it was an ordinary day. In fact I had this plan to take a yoga class, get a mani pedi and maybe to go shopping. Instead I stayed at my printer, took occasional breaks to make out with my dogs, and went back to work and I was satisfied. Completely satisfied and I was almost looking for way not to be satisfied because how could I be satisfied with that? But I was. My husband came home early and made me a vegetarian dinner and organic birthday cake with my daughter. His "plan" was to take me out to the city but I felt that I wanted to be together and let my 6 yr old help him carry out his plan. And then he gave me a gift. A great gift but it wasn’t the gift that brought me to tears. It was what he said when he gave it to me, and the six birthday cards he handed me that made me laugh so hard my sides hurt and I felt so complete. So thank you for sharing your vunerability with us all and hope you feel the wave of love hitting you bigger than Irene.

  32. Suzy G

    Keeping you all in my prayers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding us all to cherish the little moments. They are the memories that matter.

  33. Kristin S.


  34. Sandra "I heart J&M" Costello

    I have been thinking about the two of you for the past week. I too have been caught up as it’s that time of year but I was so grateful to stumble upon this post tonight. I am so sorry for your loss and hope we get to see each other soon. Until then I am sending you a virtual hug:) xo

  35. Brooke Summer Photography

    I think it’s so important to show that life isn’t always perfect. It seems that we’re always putting our best face forward, and that’s good, but it’s not real ALL the time. I’m so sorry for your loss, and your friend’s loss. Thank you for your honesty.

  36. Ray

    Honesty is a beautiful thing. So sorry for your loss, for your friends loss, and for the hard time one of your favorite couples is having. May you all have more good days than bad. <3

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