March 26, 2009

Full Life

It’s 4am and my eyes fly open. Wide open. As wide awake as if it’s the middle of the day. And I’ve just had my afternoon coffee.

And once again…my mind is racing.

I toss. I turn. I flip the pillow.

And each time I do I imagine my soundly sleeping husband lying beside me, winking and giving me his signature one liner:

“Baby, you’re as cool as the other side of the pillow.”

I resist the urge to pop him one, pillow fight style. And his gentle breathing continues.

A steady meter to my racing thoughts.

I always get like this in the waiting times of our lives. In the “it takes patience” times. When we’re right on the verge of something bigger, of something better. But not quite there yet. On the very edge of what we want. We can see it out there in the distance. But always, as always…just beyond our reach.

The quiet before the storm.

Because here’s the thing….I’m a storm kind of girl. I thrive on it. Live for it really. Crazy & chaos and life moving at the speed of light. Bring it. Kirsten Dunst style.

It’s the quiet I can’t handle.

And at 4 o’clock in the morning…there’s an abundance of quiet.

And my mind races on.

Hours later after a fitful night of tossing & turning, we head to Atticus for some comfort food. A feast of hot chocolate and cranberry bread with marmalade. And the best striata you’ve ever had in your life. I eat ferociously as if it’s my last meal on this earth until I am certain that we’ve consumed no less than 10,000 calories between us. And it was worth every one. I talk and he listens. And his gentle breathing continues.

A steady meter to my racing thoughts.

When we’re so full that we can’t take another bite, we walk outside to the sounds of the “harmonica man” floating on the breeze. He strums his guitar and the notes of Bryan Adams or Tom Petty maybe… I can’t tell which… fill the air. I pull my plaid coat close around me and somewhere in the space between, my hand finds Justin’s.

And the gentle breathing continues.

We get in the mini and drive and drive until life starts to feel full again. So full it just might pop.

And as we wind around the curves that hug the water stretching out before us, suddenly these moments of waiting… and of quiet… don’t seem so bad after all.

And speaking of living a full life, here’s a sneak peak from a shoot we did yesterday of our good friend Cheryl…who makes our lives so full they just might pop :)

  1. erica velasco

    been there…done that with insomnia! Story of my life.

  2. Val McCormick

    Sleep? What’s that? I LOVE this shot of Cheryl. I can’t wait to see the rest!

  3. Amanda Herzberger

    LOVE that image of Cheryl – what a star! xo

  4. Cheryl Cronin

    You two are so easy to be with!! between eating, sipping, and dodging security you made me smile the entire afternoon. Soooooo much fun :)

  5. Lesley

    Oh my goodness, you just explained to me why I’m having issues sleeping!! THANK YOU!

  6. Pascal

    There is nothing like enjoying every tidbits of your life to the fullest. I know how you feel I also spend lots of nights awake staring at the ceiling waiting for the day to come, and for things to do and enjoy.

  7. jeramy

    mary, this was excellent! so, so good. to find comfort and strength in contentment is a beautiful thing. great stuff.

  8. Jason Henriques

    Great work guys. Cheryl looks great, can’t wait to see the rest.

  9. Cathy Crawley

    How fabulous are those rushes! Can’t wait to see the rest!

  10. Ray

    Such beautiful words. ;o)

  11. Tara

    ooo so pretty!

  12. Andi Walpurgis

    WOW..cant wait to see the rest..

  13. Kricia Morris Photography

    I absolutely adore the way that you write. You guys are so amazing! That picture is rockin’ it too! Can’t wait to meet you SOON! (BTW, have you thought about dates!? lol)

  14. johnwaire

    i was thinking you were preggers or something :) happy friday mary.

    your writing is awesome.

    btw…i love that line of justin’s. i may have to borrow it some time :)

  15. Mary Marantz

    Lol….ummm NO!!! :)

  16. Tracy

    OMG, I couldn’t stand it, I had to scan to the end of your post. I also thought it was a prego announcement :)
    I love how your beautiful words match your gorgeous photography!!

  17. Alison

    This could have been me the last few days, but you express it much more eloquently than I possibly could have. And I am jealous you have areas without snow.
    Thanks for the blog comment, it has been so quiet as a nunnery (sp?) over there lately!

  18. Holli True

    I love this post because I can identify with it, too. Chaos is second nature to me, I can better handle having a list of things to complete as opposed to one project alone. LOL! I have been up at 4am more than once, tossing and turning, solving all the worlds problems. :)

  19. GrayPhotography

    ah, that’s the great thing about spouses who give balance to our lives… -JG

  20. Treva Tribit Photography

    I’ve said it before, will say it guys are just like my hubby and I. He is my steady breath. I too, cannot stand the waiting part. But, if you guys decide to have children, you’ll find they fill all those quiet moments. Beautiful shot!

  21. lauralee

    many thanks for your comment on my blog. I am so glad you did and that it lead me here. wonderful post and glorious pictures. I look forward to coming back regularly. ~lauralee

  22. Eric Foley

    That look on her face is priceless! What a ham you are Cheryl, can’t wait to see the rest!

  23. Cristina Alt

    You’re such an amazing writer! lol I’m a gemini, and my husband is a pieces’, i feel like you just described some of the nights I’ve had … :)

  24. Meg

    awesome cheryl!!! Way to get into the tall field where mice and snakes roam to get the shot!!! i love it!

  25. MEG

    if were supposed to guess i am thinking your waiting on hearing about an offer on a house???

  26. carla Ten Eyck

    wow!! Check out MISS THING here!!! This is so beautiful, way to rock it Cheryl and the Marantz dynamic duo!!!

  27. Christina

    Love the colour tone in this photo.

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