May 21, 2010

I Have My Moments

So here it is. Cold hard truth style.

Most of the witty banter that I believe myself to be so famous for….actually happens in my head. I set myself up with softball scenarios, and then act all amazed when I knock it out of the park. I lob Office-worthy anecdotes up in the air, and then crack the bat and come sliding into home with a “that’s what she said.” And then I stand up, dust myself off and look around to see if anyone was around to actually see it. This comedic genius of mine. Because clearly, I am a goddess of comedy. Mt. Olympus style. I smile and sigh and shake my head at my own shenanigans. And then….wait for it…I chuckle. To MYSELF. I chuckle to myself, because not only am I the girl who sets up her own jokes. I’m the girl who laughs at them too. Clearly…I rock.

But in real life, it’s a whole different story.

In real life when presented with the perfect storm to banter wittily, I hem and I haw and stare at my feet. My mind races, my palms sweat. My mouth goes dry and I laugh nervously before blurting out something about “quawrity assuance” and running away. And then I spend the next two hours racking my brain trying to think of what I should’ve said, before it finally comes to me and I snap my fingers all Leave it to Beaver style. Oh Gosh, Oh Golly, Oh Gee Whiz. Now, why didn’t I think of that. Wally. Yes, this is how it usually goes down.

But every now & then on the rarest of occasions …I have my moments.

Like last night for example. Last night after we wrapped Jared’s workshop, we headed out to eat a little Italian food and toast a job amazingly well done. A job to be proud of. And it was there, over the plum & parmesan risotto, where I had one such moment.

It went a little something like this.

Jared: So guess what’s new.
Me: What?
Jared: We’re getting a new puppy next week.
Me: Really?! Oh that’s awesome….what kind did you get?
Jared: She’s a female boxer.
Me: Really…. Is it Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. Are you going to train her or is Clint Eastwood? Are you going to name her Macushla? Are you going to braid her hair?

And then I slapped a hand over my mouth, in disbelief at what had just happened.

With that, Justin quickly looked up from his truffle crostini, eye brows raised in a state of semi-shock, and then nodded his head in approval as if to say “Ya got one kid. good for you. After all this time, you finally got one.”

And who knows….it may be another six months or so of my not-so-witty real life banter before I get another one.

But every now and then, right there over the plum & parmesan risotto….I have my moments.

  1. Heather Hagler

    Mary I find you so witty and funny, I see a lot of myself in you, not to mention we are almost the same age and pursuing the same passions in life. This is one of the main reasons I have subscribed to your blog, I love your photos don’t get me wrong, but the icing on the proverbial cake is your charm-you-on-the-spot writing style :) Keep it up, I am truly entertained and inspired!

  2. Alison

    Ha!!! Love it! From one "in the head talker" to another-Go you, enjoy your moment cause they are even sweeter if they only come once in a while.

  3. amelia

    i love it. LOVE IT!

  4. Julia

    I KNEW I should have gone out to dinner with you guys!! :)

  5. Ashley

    Mary, I don’t know what you’re talking about only having "moments". i think you are funny pretty much all the time! you are always coming up with witty stuff and i keep coming back for more. and your pics of course

  6. BelindaR

    Mary, you don’t know what a relief it was for me to read that I am not alone in the "spend the next 2 hours thinking what I SHOULD have said" club!! I might be a freak, but at least I’m no longer alone =)

  7. zena

    mary i just wanted to say how much i enjoy your blog site and say happy birthdaylove aunt zena

  8. Kathrina

    okay seriously, i practice such scenarios too and laugh at my own jokes all.the.time!! if i didn’t, i’d hear crickets so might as well fill the silence ;)

  9. Sophia Harcourt

    I have to say I love you for this post. That is so me as well. Maybe it is the Gemini thing, all that internal dialogue with comedy genius (not that I’m a huge atrological believer). I do have my moments too and when they happen….so satisfying. Because apart from loving to laugh I equally enjoy witty andectotes from wonderful me;) that cause others unexpected laughter. Keep ’em us in stitches girl! And Happy Belated Bday. Mine is tomorrow. You’d think I’d be too old to be excited for it but its the day I was born! What’s not to be excited about?

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