October 15, 2012

Love Isn’t Always Pretty…

Two days ago, I sat on our bed and I cried.

Silent, stinging tears. The kind that roll down your cheek and base jump to your knees. The ones that somehow swell and get fatter as they gain momentum. So that when they land, they land more like a bomb than a ballerina. And the force of impact sends shockwaves throughout the room.

And yet, as you sit crying these atomic tears, you can’t help but wonder at how they can somehow fall without ever making a sound.

Yea, they were those kind of tears.

In between scrunched faces and red, bleary eyes, I told you how I was feeling so lost. Not sure of the next step or the directions I was being pulled in. Overwhelmed with all there was to do, and defeated at all that had not yet been done. I talked about being afraid. And the soft suffocating pillow of playing it safe. And how I just wasn’t sure what my place was in this world anymore.

You listened.

And then you sat down beside me, and said wherever it was….it was right beside you.

And as I crashed into you, and the rough, swollen edge of my blotchy cheek found its perfect fit in the safe curve of your neck….I knew you were right.

Five years ago on our wedding day, I cried big, happy tears because I had been lost…and you found me.

And five years later, you’re still finding me.

And you’re helping me to find myself, the real me, in the process.

What I’ve come to realize over these past few years together is that love isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always the flowers and the date nights and the getting the perfectly put together self portrait on the iPhone.

Sometimes it’s the sink full of dirty dishes that we’ve let pile up so long that we don’t know how we’ll ever dig ourselves out. But we start by tackling it together, one by one.

Sometimes it’s you driving in the car the whole way late at night when we really need to get somewhere, so that I can just fall asleep thirty seconds in.

It’s the staying up and downloading the cards when we get home from a wedding, so I can just hug Cooper and watch Everybody Loves Raymond.

It’s the sound of the garbage cans going up the driveway every Thursday night and back down every Friday morning like clockwork, because that’s just one of those things you always take care of.

It’s making me the egg in the hole breakfast when you really just want to pour cereal in a bowl and be done with it.

It’s the eternal paying of the bills.

It’s driving twenty minutes to Starbucks, when really if you’re being honest….you hate the smell of coffee.

It’s the glass of water you bring up every night just before bed.

It’s that time when I got the stomach flu and wouldn’t let you in the room, so you sat on the other side of the door and talked to me all night long.

No. Love isn’t always pretty.

But you know what, it is always beautiful.

And just so you know, our love- even the small, run-of-the-mill, day to day, what’s it matter, who’s to say, no big deal sort of love- will always be beautiful to me.

And all I can say is that if I can love you this much more just five years in, I can’t imagine what fifty will feel like.

Y’know, when we’re doing all of this with dentures. Just think about how not-pretty that will be. :)

I’d love you to the moon and back. But the moon just doesn’t seem far enough to go.

love,
me

  1. Karla

    This is simply beautiful! Literally brought tears to my eyes! <3

  2. anouschka

    Happy Anniversary you guys! And this post made me cry, beautifully written as always Mary!

  3. Katie Yuen

    I’m weeping. Your love is amazing and I love you both.

  4. Tara Peddicord

    this. was. just. beautiful.

  5. Sandra

    Love to you both. Was just thinking of you this weekend. Happy anniversary! xoxo

  6. Lisa Cour

    "No. Love isn’t always pretty.

    But you know what, it is always beautiful. "

    So, so very true. And the wearing that the years and hard work do to love make it all the more beautiful.

    Happy Anniversary!

  7. Alicia White

    This is probably my favorite of any post you’ve written. Sending positive thoughts for the strength to push on – I’m feeling it to. I feel honored to have witnessed your beautiful relationship – both in words and silent gestures. Love u both!!!

  8. Emilia Jane

    Love you two.

  9. Joni

    This is beautiful. So so so beautiful.

  10. Bethany Ann

    So sweet and heartfelt!! :) Love it!

  11. Faye Bernoulli

    I want to re-do our wedding just so you could tell our story in your words. <333

  12. Sarah

    Sweet :)

  13. gen

    Because ain’t that the truth…that "sometimes…right in the middle of an ordinary life…love gives us a fairytale…"

  14. Kandise

    Aw. <3

  15. Tricia

    These are just some of the many reasons people choose you, why we chose you, to be the ones with us on our wedding day. Your love and relationship, and the way you tell it is inspiring. It’s easy to see why you are so admired and loved. :) happy anniversary!!

  16. Tricia

    These are just some of the many reasons people choose you, why we chose you, to be the ones with us on our wedding day. Your love and relationship, and the way you tell it is inspiring. It’s easy to see why you are so admired and loved. :) happy anniversary!!

  17. rich

    yes it’s always beautiful =) – happy anniversary!

  18. ashley barnett

    write. a. book. already. :)

  19. josh

    I freakin’ love you and Justin. Thanks for always keepin’ it real :)

  20. Susan Evans

    Happy Anniversary J&M!

  21. Abbey

    Ah…. that thing called love. Yes, there is the good, the bad and the ugly. But, overall, the beauty of it is that no matter what happens, whenever you turn to the side or look behind you, he’s always there. Love you Mary!!!!

  22. chantal

    You can put words to an image . And thats why I consider you a mentor.

    You can put images into your words, and thats why I consider you and inspiration.

    And both world combine makes you guys a very special couple. Even though we met only a few times, I can tell this five years will be more than 30 someday. . . and more :)

  23. Heather

    Your words are as stunning and awe inspiring as the images you create. Not only do I hope to someday be so skilled in photography, more than that, I hope strive to be the kind of dedicated, loving, appreciative wife you are. Your marriage and the honesty you share about it are inspiring! Thanks

  24. Stephanie Stewart

    i {heart} you two!!! so sweet!

  25. bethany cox

    i couldn’t even finish reading this one due to the blurred vision my tears are giving me. thank you

  26. Lauren Wakefield

    Aaaaand…now I am shutting my laptop and going to snuggle Gary for the rest of the night. <3 you guys.

  27. Lauren Wakefield

    Aaaaand…now I am shutting my laptop and going to snuggle Gary for the rest of the night. <3 you guys.

  28. ZipporahK

    Beautiful, Simply beautiful

  29. Jil

    well said. we had such a tough 16 months dealing with health issues, i often had to remind myself that i would rather be going through hell with the man i love, than going on adventures without him. after such a trying time, we just got back from our first vacation since our honeymoon 2 1/2 years ago!

  30. Christen Ferris

    Thanks for the tears!!!! :)

  31. Amanda Tacie

    This is the most beautiful thing I have read! So sweet!

  32. Shannon Rosan

    So beautifully written :) Happy Anniversary!!

  33. Cindy Habel

    Beautifully written. Love this post Mary :)
    …..And your quote "Love isn’t always pretty, but you know what, it is always beautiful"….almost brought tears to my eyes.
    Happy Anniversary!

  34. Christa

    Happy Anniversary you too! Love this post Mrs. Marantz…such true and real words. Love you guys :)

  35. amanda

    So very sweet!

  36. Kathryn Denelle Stevens

    Not-so-silent tears being shed over here. This hits home majorly. Happy anniversary!!!

  37. Amanda Miller

    Love definitely isn’t always pretty…but it’s always there! Love this! Congrats to you guys!

  38. canvas print

    great photo, i like this sort of shot.

  39. Abby Grace

    I love that you share this side of your relationship. The"I’m sick, don’t come in!" anecdote, the glass of water at bed time. It’s the little, everyday things that make you fall in love, over and over. Happy Anniversary! I hope your shoot with Jose was FABULOUS!

  40. Sarah Goodwin

    Just what I needed to hear. I find myself sometimes feeling as lost as last years easter egg, and without faith, love & support-the enduring, day-to-day, tough when it needs to be kind, I just wouldn’t make it thru. Cheers to 5 years!

  41. LEOLAK

    BEAUTIFUL!!! Wow! Happy Anniversary!

  42. Kristin Serna

    This is so sweet. So so so sweet. Happy Anniversary!

  43. Brooke

    Wow what a beautiful post… The stomach flu example especially got me!

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