I sat in our room and stared wide eyed at the lap top.
Scrolling through the keynote, I glanced over slide after slide of brand new material. I felt my palms go sweaty, and then I looked up at the ceiling and said out loud and to no one in particular, I can’t do this. Yes, the slides were mine. And yes, I basically knew what I wanted to say about each one. But every word had not been scripted. Every transition was far from smooth. And being a girl who takes comfort in knowing exactly what’s coming next, I was reeling in that slow motion feeling of falling. Right before you land on your face.
I stood at the front of the room while our friend Russ Caron introduced us, and quietly asked Justin for the laptop remote. It was right about then that it was his eyes going wide. He whispered back that we didn’t have it. In swapping out our suitcases from Mexico to Maine it had been left behind. And just as this was registering, I had the terrifying realization that every eye in the room was on us. I stumbled through an introduction and then pressed play on our video. That’s it, a two minute reprieve. Two minutes to get. it. TO-getherrrrrr. I started doing my own made up version of lamaze breathing… until I realized that I was only breathing in. And as I heard the last words of the video winding down, I realized I had a choice.
I could spend my whole life putting off doing something until it was perfect… or I could take a chance on myself right now.
I could stay on the sidelines and never once risk the pain of falling….but only at the cost of never ever getting the chance to shine.
I could list all the reasons why I don’t have it in me to do the thing I most need to do….or I could just go out and do it.
I could wait on perfection and perfect timing and never once see those come around….or I could just go out on faith that passion and heart and really, really meaning it are enough.
Yesterday I chose the latter. And today, that’s what I hope for you too.
HUGE thanks to Russ and the entire board of the MPPA for inviting us to speak and making us feel so welcome! You guys are amazing!